Fashion: Grading on a Curve

Hello everyone,

Here I am with less than 40 days left in Malaysia. As I have said before, this has been a great experience, and even though I am in my late 40’s, I can honestly say I have grown so much these past few months. Things that I believed in before are not my truths anymore.

I have met so many people from different walks of life, and experienced some great things, some not so good, and some just plain bad. I have dealt with many insecurities most of my life, such as being too fat, being too different, or simply not being worthy. Now I see things a bit differently. I know I am not everyone’s cup of tea, and that is ok. I do not need to seek approval from others. I don’t need to worry about how others feel about me. Some people are just not worth my time, and some are just a blip in my story. In the past, I thought I always had to go out of my way to please others, but now I know better.

Living in a time where we are constantly comparing ourselves to pictures and posts on social media, a time where everyone is trying to outdo themselves and look better than others online. It is easy to start thinking that something is wrong with ourselves. Or that we did not do something right, or even that we are not worthy. Being an immigrant for all of my adult life, being treated differently, and always questioning if I belonged, crushed my self-esteem and my confidence throughout the years. Being a Latina woman in the US was not always easy, some people were amazing and others looked down on me just because I have an accent or simply because I was born in Brazil which is a developing country.

Living in Malaysia among several other expats and working at an International School has shown me that one, my accent is really not an issue and most people barely even notice it, moreover, it should not define me; two, being Latina or not makes no difference in my qualifications as a PhD holder and a teacher, and three, most people that you encounter in your lifetime are only acquaintances. Probably, there is a reason you had to cross paths, and that reason may never reveal itself.

Most schools I worked for, I dedicated myself body and soul to them. I would spend countless hours doing extra stuff for the school and saying yes to everything that was asked of me. I did that because I thought I had to prove myself one way or another. I thought it was the right thing to do and that I needed to do it to be accepted in the school community. It never got me anywhere or provided any extra privileges. When budget cuts came, they did not hesitate to let me go. Or when I asked for promotions, I was never even considered for them. I suspect a lot of it had to do with biased attitudes, and they didn’t even realize how I was being treated differently from other teachers. Now, I don’t even hold specific people responsible anymore because I know a lot of it was ignorance and fear of a person who is different from them. I now know that I do not need to devote all of my time to a job, it is ok to say no, and it is ok to have downtime and take care of myself and my family. It is ok to leave when school gets out and not take work home; it is ok to not go to every single event the school has. The outcome is the same; the admin does not even care one way or another.

I truly thought that getting my PhD would open new doors for me, and for a while it did. One of the best jobs I had was in higher ed, where I was never questioned when it came to my knowledge and what I brought to the table. I was looked up to in my field by my colleagues and respected for my experiences. However, I attribute that to the people I worked with closely, who coincidentally, are the only ones still in touch with me even after years of not working together anymore. The harsh truth, though, is that getting a PhD has brought a whole new set of challenges. I have encountered several people, especially other women in positions of power, who resented the fact that I, a Latina, a Brazilian woman, a person of color, a person with an accent, could have such a high degree in academia. To the point of mocking my title or simply refusing to accept I earned such a degree. I worked so hard for my accomplishments, and now they are sometimes used against me. Some schools go as far as to tell me I am overqualified so they won’t even give me the time of day.

After COVID, I had to go back to the K-12 world, and I am happy teaching kids again, but it has not always been easy to get a job because I am “overqualified”. One would think that schools would be thrilled to have a Doctor teaching their students, but depending on who is in charge, that is not always the case. I now think this happens because of the fear of being questioned, some of these principals and coordinators I have had didn’t like the fact that I could outshine them, even though that was not my intention.

I have also always given myself completely to friends and most of the time did not get much in return. I used to have some very high expectations too but not anymore. (I also realize that was not fair to impose those expectations on others). Most people are just passing ships in our lives and that is ok too. Letting go of these expectations has made my life so much lighter. I maintain a handful of friends with whom I communicate via text primarily, and they are my true friends, and that is more than enough. I used to think that there was something wrong with me when I would see posts of people with lots of friends and lots of activities with their friends, but now I am ok with all that. I don’t compare myself with them anymore. I have my husband who shows me unconditional love every day and has always been there for me for the past 27 years, and that in itself is the biggest blessing I could ask for.

I never expected to have these kinds of revelations with this life-changing move and decision we made, but I am glad I got to experience and learn these things, as well as many others. I thought this was just going to be an incredible experience in International Education (which, by the way, is the PhD I got). I spent 2 years reading and comparing different test results from different countries and education systems, and now I always dreamed of living it and seeing it firsthand.

Moreover, I have a much clearer picture of who my real friends are and who are colleagues or former colleagues that are part of my story but no longer included in my chapters. I have always believed that I have been put in the workplaces I have had for a reason, either I had to grow, or someone needed me in their lives at that point. With the way things went here, I believe this was my way to start something new and different. I met some great people in Malaysia, and they are now part of my story because I have learned good and bad things from each one of them. I don’t know if I will ever see any of them again, but that is ok too.

I feel like I am a much stronger person now that I have had this experience, and I am certainly looking forward to our upcoming adventure in Cambodia, where I will be teaching 4th grade, which is a huge change from what I have been doing for the past 2 decades.

Anyway, I thought I would share some of my realizations now that our time in Malaysia is coming to an end and we are getting ready to embark on a new adventure soon.

Love,

Ben turned 50 and what he wanted to do was for us to finally go see the Petronas Towers and the water/light show downtown Kuala Lumpur. It was a beautiful night and it was a fun outing. Of course, it included a mall visit (that is what one does in Malaysia). This mall is more what I like to call a contemporary art museum, because most of the stores are so expensive I would never even dream of entering them and buying anything. But it was a fun outing anyway.

After the fun, I then had to experience something new. I actually had a simple procedure done on my Achilles Heel. I have been dealing with pain and inflammation for the past couple of years. In the US, all that was done was some physical therapy, but it never got fully recovered. Here in Malaysia I got to see an actual foot and ankle specialist and he offered a couple of different options. One would be a full surgery where he would replace the tendon with the big toe tendon and a 2 week off my feet and another few weeks in a boot. This was out of the question since we are about to move in a couple of months, and being in a boot does not work.

The second option was a stem cell treatment. This was much more doable. So I got to experience a night at a Malaysia hospital and had the rest of the week off. The doctor used my own blood to mix with medication and inject right on the tendon. It was quite painful but I am doing great now, just limping a bit. The pictures below show one of the lobbies of the medical center and my hand during and after the procedure. Since I take aspirin the bruises get way worse than they should. So my arm is quite colorful this week.

Thank You for reading and keeping up with our adventures in Southeast Asia.

XOXO,

Hello everyone,

We have some news… Some of you may already know that Ben and I tend to do some big things on our major anniversaries. Well our 25th will not be any different.

We have been in Malaysia for the past 8 months and it has been quite the adventure. We have learned a lot of new things and have visited some beautiful places. It has been an incredible adventure and we are still looking forward to the next 4 months here.

However, we are happy to announce that we will be moving to Phnom Penh in Cambodia in July. I was offered a job at a top Canadian School there that teaches English through content so I am truly stoked for the opportunity.

I guess we get to see the world little by little through my teaching. It is a magical life indeed. This experience has also been amazing for other reasons. Ben and I spend a lot more time together and enjoy each other’s company. I have met some great people along the way. I have learned so much about myself and I am looking forward to learning even more.

There are more positive things that have come out of this experience. Our Kids at home have grown up a lot since we left. The youngest is doing great at school and is showing so much responsibility and maturity. The oldest is still trying to figure life out but has been a great friend to his sibling and both have been great company for my parents. Their Portuguese is also a lot better than when I left.

Not going to lie, taking this leap of faith was not easy, we still have people in our lives who are against it and have made their voice heard. We are not really sure why they are against it, it is not clear but we decided to take this journey because we were both needed a fresh start. Bigger things were at play that others couldn’t see.

Cambodia, here we come and stay tuned to keep up with our adventures. The pictures above are from our different outings in Malaysia.

Stay tuned,

Hello everyone,

So we have more pictures of Christmas decorations in different malls and now the same malls are decorated for the Lunar New Year – (Chinese New Year).

This is one of the largest celebrations in this part of the world and malls hold shows on the weekends to entertain everyone. We saw a robot show and a drums show.

Below, is a collection of our girls being silly and sweet at home. Don’t know what we would do without these two.

Stay tuned, in the next few weeks there will be some news I will be sharing here.

Thanks for reading,

Hello everyone,

It has been a while, I know. I am guilty of getting in my own head and letting my anxiety take over which in turn gets me down. Now that I am on vacation, I have had some time to decompress. So, here I am ready to tell you how things have been going lately here in Malaysia.

November was a busy month. We had final exams and reports at school so that kept me busy at work. We visited some of the malls and to our surprise, they go all out for Christmas and decorations. I was shocked since this is not really a Christian country, I guess I was not expecting it. The decorations are beautiful and vary a lot from one mall to the other. Some are more lavish and some are more playful.

Recently, I also had the opportunity to fulfill a lifelong dream, to go to an Indian wedding. The ceremony was actually Catholic to my surprise but the party was Bollywood style. It was a two day affair and Ben and I got to dress up matching both days. I got a lot of compliments and I loved having the opportunity to dress up.

Then the best part, we got to spend 4 days at the beach in Langkawi. It was just what the doctor ordered. It had been a while since I had been able to just sit and relax by the sea. The weather was perfect and the water was wonderful. The four days went really fast but we were ready to come home to see our “girls”. We got so lucky to have a couple of friends to stay at our house with them and they spoiled them and loved them while we were gone. That helped us relax too.

We are home now and just relaxing… I am reading some books, watching some movies and shows while laying around the house. The girls follow me from the couch to the bed and back to the couch. 🙂

We did visit the new mall that open next to where we live and you can see a couple of pictures of the amazing bookstore they have it there. It reminded me of a bookstore you would maybe see in the Harry Potter world or something magical like that.

Our Christmas this year will be quiet and a little weird. One, it is warm, it has been a long time since I have had a summer Christmas. Two, we are alone, not sure yet if we will get together with some friends or not. We will see how things go the next couple of weeks.

Thank you for reading,

Hello everyone,

This week I am off again and it was the Diwali celebration. I did not partake on any of the celebrations in town, but our school had a nice Assembly to celebrate it and we all dressed up in traditional Indian outfits or bright colors to represent the light which is what the festival is all about.

Diwali is celebrated by Hindus all over the world and it celebrates the the triumph of good over evil, light over darkness. There are many stories that could be associated with the festival but a common one is from northern India, about King Rama, who was one of the incarnations of the God Vishnu. The story goes that an evil king Lanka (associated with Sri Lanka) took Rama’s wife Sita. Rama puts together an army of monkeys to get her back. The story says they built a bridge from India to Sri Lanka and free Sita and kill the evil king. When they were going back to India, millions of lights were set across the way to help guide them back home. Hence, the Festival of Lights.

In southern India, the story is about Krishna (another incarnation of Vishnu), who saved about 16,000 women from a different evil king. In western India, this festival happens at the same time as the New Year (India celebrates several New Years). The Hindus also exchange gifts and coins.

I am really enjoying learning so much about the different cultures around me and those of you who know me well, know that I have always been intrigued with the Indian culture and now I am getting to see it up close even though I am not in India. It is as good as it gets.

On another note, since it is a short vacation, Ben and I went exploring and got to see some areas where mostly only the locals go, it was very interesting and we learned a lot of new things. For one, we have found out that eye glasses are way cheaper here if you know where to go. We also stopped by the Ai Cha – Ice cream and Tea and I had the most delicious ice cream mixed with grape juice…. You can see the cute cup that came with it above. The girls there, were so sweet, I had to include it here in this post.

Having these short breaks throughout the semester is so helpful. When I am starting to feel tired, we get a little break again. After this break we have about 5 more weeks of classes, then we have a little longer vacation. Not going home this year because of tax reasons but we will try to visit some things around here and then hopefully take a trip the first week of January before school starts again.

One of the most interesting things I have been going through here, is that I am getting to know myself better. I am learning so much about myself and why I do certain things or why I think in certain ways. It has been a very nice growing experience. Also, this slower pace of life has been nice and calming. We get to spend a lot of time with our dogs and with each other without stressing out about so many things.

Well, I hope you keep coming back to check out what we are doing here in Malaysia.

Thank you for reading,

Hello everyone,

So, this year I got to celebrate my birthday in Malaysia. It was different but it was fun. One of my students even gave me a box of chocolate. It was very sweet!

My sweet husband made the doodle sign above for me that now sits on my desk at work. A coworker brought me a delicious coconut latte, and I made “brigadeiros” for my coworkers. First time I made them in a little cup but I think it worked well. For the most part it was a normal day at work. Since it was on a Wednesday, we left the celebration for Friday evening.

We went to Tonda for a real Italian pizza and the real pepperoni pizza for Ben. I tried something new, 4 cheese with walnuts and honey. For dessert, I had the delicious Baileys Tiramisu. After, this delicious meal we went to walk around the Sunway Pyramid Mall which is near our house. They have beautiful decorations for Deepavali, so I took advantage to get some pictures in to come back here and let you all know how things are going.

I think we are pretty settled now, we have not been going out to explore as much. We have been relaxing a lot at home and enjoying each other’s company.

My classes are going well, and I can see the growth in my students’ English. I am also working on learning Mandarin and I hear it so much that I think it will be quicker than I expected to learn. I really like teaching English and getting students ready for their next steps. It seems impossible that we are already more than half way done with the semester and will be done at the end of November with this school year. I will have a new batch of students in January. I have met a lot of different and fun people along the way. My colleagues come from all over the world and most have lived in a lot of different places already. The parents of my students also have interesting stories and it has been a fascinating experience to learn about so many different cultures and backgrounds.

I love getting home and being able to just sit and enjoy the company of my girls (Lulu and Pepper) and my husband. We have been watching a lot of different TV shows and Ben has been creating lots of new designs to cut on the laser cutter.

Well, I have another week of vacation coming up soon so I will hopefully have more stories to tell then.

Thank you for reading,

Hello everyone,

Here we are at the two months mark. We have been in Malaysia for exactly 2 months and every week we discover something new. This week I am on a school break for the whole week so we got to do some different things. We went to a friend’s house so we could swim a bit and Ben clearly made a friend for life. The 3-year old fell in love with him. She did not want him to leave at the end of the visit. This was also the first time I tried some Curry and it was good but a bit spicy for me, as usual.

On this day we went to visit a couple more Mosques in the city. One of them was much more strict and still made me wear a robe while of the second one I was used as an example of how to dress for the visit. 🙂

These places are very peaceful and beautiful to visit but I still liked the ones in Turkey a bit more, probably because they were much older than these ones.

This week we also accomplished something big. We visited the Batu Caves which meant walking up 272 steps. But considering last year I walked up 309 steps at one of the Temples in Thailand, I figured this was doable. The cave temple is amazing and very different than I ever expected. After that walk, we made a quick stop at Little India. To me this means I was able to see a lot of the Indian culture without actually going to India.

I think we are pretty settled now and we already have some of our favorites things and places. It is nice to discover a new thing every week though.

Thank you for reading and stay tuned for more updates,

Well, we have been here for just over a month now…. Lots of adventures and new things to learn and discover…

I have also been teaching for a full month now too and it has been lots of fun and a lot of learning too. My students are mainly from China. I have a couple from Japan and Korea but the majority is from mainland China. I am actually trying to learn Chinese now so that I can understand what they are saying in class. I have made some friends at work, lots of like minded people. They all love traveling and discovering the world so we have a lot in common. I also love being one of many rather than the only one or one of two or three.

We are adapting to this much slower life style quite easily. We have had a lot more time for each other and to relax. We are taking our time to visit the different places around here. I get home between 4 and 5 every week day and just relax with Lulu and Pepper. Ben is becoming a great ‘chef’ for me 😊😍😉

Each weekend we choose a different place to visit, except this last weekend we had planned to see some beautiful lights in the evening and it rained right when we were going out so we decided to stay home instead.

We have gotten into a nice routine now and we are very happy!

I am trying to keep the blog updated with all that we are doing here. Please keep checking back here to see what is going on.

Love,

We visited the Thean Hou Temple which is a Chinese Temple in Kuala Lumpur. The visit was fun and very interesting. Ben and I are taking our time to visit things since we have a long time to see everything. After the Temple, we went to the Central Market which is the oldest market in the city built in 1888. It has more traditional things from Malaysia rather than the same stores we find all over the world. This Market is considered a landmark of Malaysian Culture and heritage.

Malaysia has 60 malls which are full of the same stores we can find all over the world and lots of restaurants. I have never seen so many restaurants in a mall as I see here. Every floor has many places to eat and drink different types of teas, coffees and fruit juices.

I actually learned from a local that Malaysia was formed by 3 different groups of people. The Chinese, the Malays and the people from India. The largest group was the Malays and that is one of the reasons that one of the official languages of Malaysia is Bahasa Melayu. Interestingly enough, there are the Malays and the Malaysians who are the ones born here but with the Indian and Chinese backgrounds.

The three major religions from these groups are Hinduism, Buddhism and Islam. The diversity and differences is one of the reasons this place is so culturally rich and amazing to discover.

On another note, I have had a week and a half with students and so far it has been a lot of fun. These students are fun and so different from students I have had before. They come from a very different cultural background and are used to learning in a very different way. I am loving the opportunity to learn about them and their backgrounds.

Well, keep coming back here to follow our journey and this new adventure we have embarked in. Thank you for all the positive notes and vibes coming our way.

Love,